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May. 2nd, 2005 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thecooloneHe wakes up to an almost-forgotten longing, right in the pit of his stomach, at the sight of the head of silver-blonde hair falling in rivulets against his shoulder. There's a brief moment of Oh, fuck, what have I done? but he lets it go; the bed is warm and Fleur looks so peaceful, so contented.
Bill knows he loves her.
He also knows he doesn't.
He also knows he does; he leans over and kisses the top of her head so softly it's almost like butterfly wings caressing her.
Fleur, Fleur. You and I make so little sense.
Compare, contrast: at one point his skin was golden-brown from spending so much time in Egypt, but now it's pale and freckled, in contrast to the smooth unblemished peach-white of hers. In a way that's so symbolic: she's perfection and he's never been. She's smooth where he's rough; she's graceful where he's clumsy; she dances where he walks. He's older, but in some ways he feels so inadequate next to her.
But he loves her.
And he doesn't.
And he does.
Bill knows he loves her.
He also knows he doesn't.
He also knows he does; he leans over and kisses the top of her head so softly it's almost like butterfly wings caressing her.
Fleur, Fleur. You and I make so little sense.
Compare, contrast: at one point his skin was golden-brown from spending so much time in Egypt, but now it's pale and freckled, in contrast to the smooth unblemished peach-white of hers. In a way that's so symbolic: she's perfection and he's never been. She's smooth where he's rough; she's graceful where he's clumsy; she dances where he walks. He's older, but in some ways he feels so inadequate next to her.
But he loves her.
And he doesn't.
And he does.
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Date: 2005-05-02 08:01 pm (UTC)*She blinks her eyes open and comes face to face with Bill's chest hair.*
Oh.
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Date: 2005-05-02 08:09 pm (UTC)You are an amazing woman, Fleur. I know you don't think so, but I know it in my heart.
Bill resettles onto his side so he can watch her. Such exotic sleep in those eyes of hers; he kisses her forehead softly. Passion was for last night; this morning is for...
...gentle assessment.
"Good morning, love."
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Date: 2005-05-02 08:16 pm (UTC)*She hesitates before leaning forward and tucking his hair back.*
*And with her hand still on his cheek, she leans forward and kisses him. Just a breathe against his lips.*
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Date: 2005-05-02 08:28 pm (UTC)His words are swallowed by the closeness of her mouth, her breath, her hand on his cheek.
He's so close to breaking: either breaking open or breaking shut, he's not sure which, and it all seems so odd and so wrong and so right all at once. It's the way it could have been, the way he thought it would never be.
I can do without children.
It's a random enough thought, but it's there. He lets his finger trail up and down her arm, tiny gentle circles, up and down, admiring the silk of her skin, her soft warmth.
"Things are different now, aren't they."
He wishes he hadn't spoken. Not yet, and he leans forward to drag his lips across hers again. It's luxury; she's peacefulness and calming. She's sanctuary, even if it only lasts this one morning.
Bill has no idea where this is going to go. He only knows how he's reacting to her body against his. He'll try to be adult about it by light of day, but the memories of what happened by candlelight are a strong, strong seduction.
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Date: 2005-05-02 08:45 pm (UTC)*She pulls back just enough to look him in the eye, her thumb trailing over his bottom lip to the corner of his mouth.*
Waz nevah I did not love you...waz afraid...waz.
*Fleur gives in and curls up against him with her face hidden against his neck.*
...waz afraid I could not love you enough.
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Date: 2005-05-02 08:59 pm (UTC)The truth is that she could have given him crumbs and he'd have been happy. Whether or not he deserved more wasn't the question and her words break his heart.
"I would give you the world, my love. I would give it to you on a golden platter bedecked with phoenix feathers and song. You're an empress and I would have served you gladly."
No awkward dancing around the truth, not any more. The time for bitterness is past; the time for accusations is over.
"Love is full of peril; it's the most dangerous and thrilling thing in the world. None of us know what we're doing with it: we fumble our way through as best we can."
Bill holds her to him and breathes her in deeply. She reminds him of stardust.
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Date: 2005-05-02 09:09 pm (UTC)I am not good at being faith. Not good at any thing like that. I forget and I.
...I nevah wanted to hurt you.
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Date: 2005-05-02 09:34 pm (UTC)About all of it, love, every bit of it.
He plays with a curl of her hair: it's such a simple gesture, but so fulfilling.
"I'm not perfect. Most days I'm not even very good at life, especially not at this place. But you know me, Fleur, and you know I can't lie, it's not in my nature. I missed you and I didn't even know it. I missed you so much. I don't know if what we're doing here is right and I don't know if it's wrong. All I know is that it's something that's happened."
Enough talking: he holds her while he can, fearful that the opportunity will vanish in an instant.
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Date: 2005-05-02 09:44 pm (UTC)I am not good with thinking!
*She thinks of Ophelia with her Blaise, and how she did miss Bill. Maybe maybe maybe.*
...do you love me? Still?
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Date: 2005-05-02 09:47 pm (UTC)His voice is nothing more than a shadow of sound, a whisper.
"I never stopped."
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Date: 2005-05-02 10:01 pm (UTC)*She throws her arms around Bill's neck and kisses him again and again.*
Je t'aime. Calme craintif, mais je t'aime. ...Je vais être désolé.
*She opens her eyes.*
Je t'aime.
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Date: 2005-05-02 10:08 pm (UTC)Why does this hurt?
Let it go, let it go, let it go.
He feels her heart beating.
He loves her still, and always.
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Date: 2005-05-02 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 10:41 pm (UTC)"You can smoke in this bed all you want." With a laugh his eyes open and he studies her, feeling for all the world like his birthday and Christmas arrived early, wrapped together in a neat little package.
For the first time since he came to this place, he sees things clearly, stretched out before him in infinitely possibilities, infinite patterns. He sees the magic behind it all, and the brilliance of it all, and the potential in it all.
And he understands the symbolism in divesting himself of the gemstones he'd collected: the sapphire to Elaine, one emerald to Tom, the other to Charlie. He needed to shed the old.
He needed to do it to make room for this.
"Fleur, my heart and soul." He leans forward to kiss her.
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Date: 2005-05-02 10:49 pm (UTC)Slow. Thiz will be slow. If you ask me to marry you next week, I will hide under your bed and tease you with a naked ankle for the rest of our livez.
*She shapes his mouth around the word and makes them both repeat it.*
Slow. Oui, oui, very good.
*And she giggles at the both of them as she kisses him again, twining her arms and legs about him.*